Eat Until You Drop, Swim Until You Drown at Dotonbori?

I'm behind the times, but I was catching up on news at Kansai Scene and just read there are plans to turn Dotonbori canal into a swimming pool. Whaaaaat?

The 'glittering' waters of Dotonbori...

...Transformed into 'Pool Dotonbori' (Image source)

Apparently Osaka's plan is to transform the canal into the world's longest swimming pool, to be called Pool Dotonbori. They hope to have it completed in time for the area's 400th anniversary in 2015.

The idea, while pretty epic, perplexes me. For one thing, Dotonbori canal is filthy. It has traditionally been somewhat of a headache for the Osaka City Council thanks to the legendary activity known as the 'Dotonbori Dive', in which drunk Osakans challenge each other to leap into the murky waters, especially after baseball games. Participants have been repeatedly warned of the toxic nature of the canal - according to the Council, there are 28 sewer outlets dotted along the river. Breathe it in, kids.

And why are they trying to transform Dotonbori - historically an area of shenanigans, vice, and self-indulgence - into a wonderland for watersports? It goes against everything Dotonbori represents. The catchphrase for Dotonbori is kuidaore, or eat until you drop. It is Japan's foodie destination. It is home to takoyaki and okonomiyaki. You're not supposed to swim after you eat at the best of times, so why would you put a swimming pool in the middle of a place where you are supposed to EAT until you DROP?

Glico Man, you athletic bastard. I bet this was all your idea.